When Brothers (or Sisters) are Divided

When Brothers (or Sisters) are Divided

It seems inevitable; at some point passionate people disagree...passionately. That’s the only way they know how. They have strongly held and felt convictions and when disagreements arise over those convictions, the depth of the passion is exposed. That’s the scene we see with Paul and Barnabas in Acts 15:39-40:

They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord.

Two brothers, who had contended side by side for the gospel, parting company because of a SHARP disagreement. Who says the Scriptures aren’t relevant? This same thing happens in the church of Jesus Christ today. One of the things that gives me hope is that as I read the Scriptures, the characters are not ‘air-brushed’ specimens who are without human flaws and frailties. They’re exposed as real, warts and all; people who struggle with the same passions and sin nature that I struggle with. God is not looking for flawless children who respond like mindless robots to His bidding. He’s looking for those who will take their passion and yield it to His control.

I would agree that for the most part, divisions are not of God. But here in Acts 15 we see an example of a division, which really resulted in a divide and multiply. Paul went his way, mentoring Silas...Barnabas, his way, mentoring John Mark. What was a team of two going to one place became two teams going to two different places. The result was an increase in the spread of the gospel. I’m not sure Paul and Barnabas ever labored together again, but it is interesting that Paul, in his final letter, asks for John Mark to come and visit him in prison (2 Timothy 4:11).

So how do we respond when we are personally involved and the depth of our passion is being exposed? How can we disagree without becoming disagreeable?

1. Examine ourselves and our motives. Determine what is at the heart of the disagreement. Is it a personal preference not explicitly forbidden? Is there deception involved? Is there an agenda that is personal in nature?
2. Pray and ask God to expose the selfish motives and desires that may be causing the dispute. Jeremiah 17:9 says the “heart is deceitful above all things,” I’m not sure we fully realize the depths of deceit in our hearts. It takes the Light of God to expose the darkness in those deep reaches of our hearts.
3. Avoid the tendency for a disagreement to lead to a sinful response. Anger is an emotion that does not have to become a sinful response. Anger turned in the right direction can produce good outcomes. If we are not careful, our passion in the heat of the conflict can produce ugly anger that is not only displeasing to God, but according to Ephesians 4:26-27, can give satan a foothold. The definition of a foothold is a position usable as a base for further advance. Interesting isn’t it, satan can use our anger, our sinful response to what actually might be a legitimate disagreement, to advance his cause in our lives.
4. You’ve already prayed and asked God to expose the deceitfulness of your own heart, now pray for the other person. My former pastor would often say there’s no better way to change your attitude toward someone than to pray for them. It’s so easy to let disagreements divide the best of partners, but prayer can bridge those divides by changing us at our heart level.
5. Seek godly counsel and help to achieve reconciliation. Scripture calls us to live at peace with one another and to forgive one another. According to the principles set out in Matthew 18 that begins by first going directly to the brother. But if that doesn’t work, godly counsel and advice are often necessary to achieve reconciliation.